Today will be a 2nd kind of surreal afternoon. First was last year as we unlocked in the summer.
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I met my first wife at a good mates birthday party (not far of 30 years ago – wow did not realise it was that long ago). Suffice to say in the fullness of time we divorced not long after the Millennium and after 2 or 3 years she got together with my mate and have been happily married for about 16 or 17 years.
The circumstances of breakup are the stuff of normality, betrayal, just wanting different things all leading to a less than amicable split and my family being rather bitter. Personally, I was ok about it – I kept the cats .. all of them and not all that long after we split I met my current (and final !) wife.
Although I kept in touch with my mate, he now lived a long way off and so saw little and heard little. Out of the blue the ex messaged me and asked for something (completely unimportant), and I realised I had absolutely no ill-feeling so was happy to help. Then a while later, my mates dad passed (a great man who I knew well for many years) and saw them both at the funeral.
Although not bosom buddies we had a good laugh and chat at the wake. My wife and her messaged her a couple of times and Christmas cards started. I think she was at first a bit wary, but they probably just natter about me & my mates love of beer & rugby !
Then a little over a year ago, a mutual friend of ours (actually, me and my mate and her had been friends for some years before the ex turned up) had a big birthday and invited us all to it at our old rugby club. I got some strange looks from the young turks at my club tie .. but Then mine was 30 years old and the design had changed ! The clubhouse had changed as well – a lot rebuild and extended. I just had not realised how long it was since I last went there to watch a game (well it is a fair way away).
We had a right good laugh and spent much of the night chatting and joking … so current and ex started chatting more. One thing led to another and an afternoon over at their house having a beer (non for me as driving which cased the ex to loose a bet ha ha), and catching up.
Since we locked down and had to be a lot more restricted we have not been able to reciprocate.
Now my mate & I are big rugby fans and played for many years in the same club. And today is the first day of the 2021 6-Nations. So we both ordered a mixed case of the same wines. Collective senior domestic management have convened a coven and decided which two bottles are for today and we shall have a long video wine-tasting chat while the Calcutta Cup (England vs Scotland) game is on.
My mum has passed but would be aghast. By brother cannot understand why I even speak to ‘that woman’. A couple of friends in our village raise an eyebrow.
But I just don’t get it ….
You forgive once, but it takes a daily energy to keep on holding a grudge or hating. Life is just too short.
What happened happened, we were not meant to be, but that does not mean we were not good friends, and it most certainly is not worth holding a grudge and loosing an (adult) life long friend.
Get over it and move on. Be positive !
Now …. bring on the game and duffing the Sweaties !